Hogwarts watches AVPM
by MrsDracoMalfoy1022
Summary: Someone found it. And they get to watch it. Read and Review!
1. Act 1 part 1 and 2

"Attention students." Albus Dumbledore says. The Great Hall immediately quiets down. "We are here to present a Muggle performance of a musical called, 'A Very Potter Musical'."

Almost right away, the students look at fifteen-year old Harry Potter, who turns red.

"So please enjoy. Any comments and the video will pause." Dumbledore nods and the video begins!

**HARRY: (Sings while sat on trunk in middle of stage) "Underneath these stairs I hear the sneers and feel the glares of my cousin, my uncle and my aunt.**

A few students, mostly Slytherins, snicker. Harry groans.

**Can't believe how cruel they are, and it stings my lightning scar to know they'll never ever give me what I want. **

"And he calls me spoiled." Draco Malfoy sneers. Pansy Parkinson shrieks with laughter.

**I know I don't deserve these stupid rules made by the Dursley's here on, Privet Drive. Can't take all of these muggles, but despite all of my troubles, I'm still alive.**

A few students cheer and clap. Harry smiles to himself.

**I'm sick of summer and this waiting around, man its September and I'm skipping this town, hey its no mystery there's nothing here for me now... (Stands up and sings) I got to get back to Hogwarts. I got to get back schoool, I got to get myself to Hogwarts, where everybody knows I'm coooool.**

The students roar with laughter. The small smile Harry had disappears quickly.

"Oh come on!" Harry mutters.

"Well…we think you're cool!" Ron assures him.

"Not helping, Ron." Hermione whispers.

**Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to Goblin and ghosts and some magical feasts. It's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts, I think I'm going back.**

"Well it is what I feel about Hogwarts." Harry admits.

**I'll see my friends going to laugh 'till we cry, take my Firebolt gonna take to the sky. No way this year anyone's gonna die**

"Don't count on it! With Potter here, Cedric and Quirrel died and Lockhart lost his mind!" Draco smirks.

"At least you're optimistic!" Hermione gives Harry a grin and shoots a dirty look at Draco.

**and it's gonna be totally awesome!**

"Nice catchphrase, Potter!" Pansy giggles.

"Shut it, Pansy." Hermione snarls.

**I'll cast some spells with a flick of my wand, defeat the Dark Arts yeah bring it on!**

"No! Don't 'bring it on'!" Harry winces.

**And do it all with my best friend Ron 'cause together we're totally awesome!**

"Hey, that's me!" Ron grins and high-fives Harry. Hermione huffs.

**RON: (Enters stage door and sings) "Yeah we're so cool and we're totally awesome! (Talk) Did somebody say Ron Weasley? Wooo!"**

"Ha! There you are, Weasel!" Draco cackles. Ron's face turns as red as his hair.

**HARRY: "Hey!"**

**RON: "Sorry I couldn't get here earlier I had to go get some uh, Floo Powder. So come on grab your trunk, let's go."**

**HARRY: "Why? Where're we going?"**

**RON: "To Diagon Alley of course!"**

**HARRY: "Cool!"**

**RON: "Come on!"**

**BOTH: (Starts going around in circles and flapping their arms) FLOO POWDER POWER, FLOO POWDER POWER, FLOO POWDER POWER, FLOO POWDER POWER! **

The Great Hall starts cracking up again.

"I don't think that's how you travel by Floo Powder!" Lavender Brown giggles.

**RON: (Stands next to Harry and sings) "It's been so long, but we're going back, don't go for work don't go there for class."**

**HARRY: "As long as we're together-"**

**RON: "-Gonna kick some ass!" **

"Oooohhh!" The students gape at the two boys.

**RON+HARRY: "And it's gonna be totally awesome! This year we'll take everybody by storm, stay up all night, sneak out of our dorm." **

"Excuse me?" Professor McGonagall demands.

"Heh, heh. Not us!" Ron grins sheepishly.

**HERMIONE: (Enters from behind the boys) "Well, let's not forget that we need to perform well in class, if we want to pass our OWLs!"**

"Is that supposed to be _me_?" Hermione shrieks as the students cackle.

"Is just like you, Granger! Spot on!" Draco laughs.

**RON: "God Hermione! Why do you have to be such a buzzkill?" **

"_Excuse_ me?" Hermione glares at Ron.

"N-Not me!" He squeaks.

**HERMIONE: "'Cause Ron! Schools not all about having fun we have to study hard if we want to become good witches and wizards. (Starts to sing) I may be frumpy but I'm super smart.**

"I am not frumpy and- _Don't even say anything, Malfoy!" _Hermione shrieks as Draco begins to open his mouth.

**Check out my grades, there 'A's for a start!**

"We use O's!" Seamus Finnegan points out.

**What I lack in looks well I make up in heart, and well guys yeah that's totally awesome! **

"Oh no, now I'm saying it!" Hermione groans.

**This year I plan, to study a lot...**

"What else is new?" Draco murmurs to Pansy, who giggles.

**RON: "Well that would be cool if you were actually hot!" **

"RON!" Hermione thunders.

"NOT! ME!" Ron yells back.

**HARRY: "Hey Ron, come on, we're the only friends that she's got!"**

"So true." Pansy smirks.

**RON: "And that's cool,"**

**HERMIONE: "And that's totally awesome!"**

**RON+HERMIONE+HARRY: "Yeah we're so cool and we're totally awesome!"**

"Could we stop saying 'totally awesome'?" Ron asks.

**ALL: (enters the rest of cast and do dance behind) "We're sick of summer and it's waiting around, It's like we're sitting in the lost and found, don't take no sorcery, for anyone to see hoooow!"**

**HARRY: "I gotta get back to Hogwarts!"**

"We get it, Harry!" Ginny rolls her eyes.

**ALL: "We gotta get back to schooool! We got to get back to Hogwarts! Where everything is magicooool!" **

**(All of cast joins in) "Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and some magical feasts. It's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts I think we're going back." **

"Do you, now?" Parvati Patil snorts.

**(Cast exits except for Harry Ron and Hermione, and enter Ginny)**

**GINNY: "Ron!" **

"Is that supposed to be _me_?" Ginny screams as the rest of the students giggle.

**You were supposed to take me to Madame Malkins and use those sickles mum gave you for my robe fittings!**

"Oh no, it is!" She cried.

**HARRY: "Uh, Who's this?" (Asks to Ron)**

**RON: "Oh, this is stupid dumb little sister Ginny.**

"Thanks, Ron!"

"NOT ME!"

**She's a freshman. Ginny this is Harry. Potter. This is Harry Potter."**

**GINNY: "Ohh, your Harry Potter! You're the boy who lived!" **

"It's kind of in character-OW!" Ron yelps as his sister punches him in the arm.

**HARRY: "Yeah you're Ginny."**

**GINNY: "It's Ginevra." (Holds hand out for a hand shake but Harry ignores it)**

**HARRY: "Cool, Ginny's fine."**

**RON: (Claps hands above Ginny's head) "Stupid sister! Don't crowd the famous friend!" **

"Ron!" Ginny hisses.

**HERMIONE: "Hey do you guys hear music or something?"**

**CHO+POSSE: (Enter doing their little dance) "Cho Chang, Domo Arigato, Cho Chang. Gung hey fat Choy Chang, Happy, happy New Year. Cho Chang!"**

"Oh no!" Cho Chang groans.

**GINNY: "Who's that?"**

**RON: "That's Cho Chang, the girl Harry's totally been in love with since freshman year."**

"Didn't Cho dump you, Potter?" Pansy snorts.

"No! It was…a neutral thing…" Harry flushes.

**HERMIONE: "Yeah but he won't say anything to her."**

**RON: "Yeah, well you never tell a girl you like her it makes you look like an idiot!"**

"Too true." Ron agrees and peers at Hermione.

**GINNY: (Walks over to the group of girls) "Konichiwa Cho, Chang. It is good to meet you. My name is Ginny Weasley!"**

"I look like a fool!" Ginny moans.

**LAVENDER: "Bitch, I ain't Cho Chang!"**

"Wait, what?" Hermione blinks.

**RON: "That's Lavender Brown! (Claps hand over Ginny's head) Racist sister!"**

"ME? I don't look like that!" Lavender fumes.

**CHO: "Hey, Hey, it's alright. I'm Cho Chang ya'll."**

"THAT'S NOT ME!" Cho growls.

**HARRY: "She is totally perfect."**

**RON: "Too bad she's dating Cedric Diggory though, Huh?"**

**HARRY: "What? Who the hell is Cedric Diggory? Who is that guy? What is he, who is he?" **

Everyone bows their heads in respect for Cedric.

**CEDRIC: (Enter Cedric pushing Harry and Ron Out of the way) "Oh Cho Chang, I am so in love with Cho Chang! From Bangkok to Ding Dang! I sing my love aloud, for Cho Chang!" (Exit while running after Cho and posse)**

**HARRY: "Man I hate that guy! I hate him!"**

"Harry…" Cho snarls at her ex-boyfriend.

"It's not me, Cho!" Harry squeaks.

**RON: So are we going to go get them robes or not! **

**GINNY: Yes alright! I'm coming!**

**RON: God sister! (Exit Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny. Enter Neville from right and Crabbe and Goyle from left)**

**GOYLE: (Bumping into Neville) "Present your arm nerd! (Neville puts arm out) Indian-burn hex!" (ENTER TRIO AND GINNY)**

"Is that…Crabbe and Goyle?" Draco asks.

"Yes." Harry says then grins. "Hey…if they're there than you must be in this two, Malfoy!"

Draco pales a bit.

**RON: "Oh, Crabbe and Goyle."**

**HARRY: (walks up to Crabbe and Goyle) "Hey why don't you leave Neville Longbottom alone?"**

**GOYLE: "Well, if it isn't Harry Potter. You think all because you're famous, you can boss everyone around!"**

"YEAH!" The Slytherin table roars.

**HARRY: "No I just don't think it's cool for guys like you picking on guys like Neville, I mean c'mon."**

**GOYLE: "Well, you know what I think? I think glasses are for nerds! (Goyle take Harrys glasses) We hate nerds!" (Breaks glasses)**

**CRABBE: And girls! **

"Isn't his actor- or actress, I suppose- a girl?" Hermione asks.

**RON: "Oh, you don't mess with Harry Potter; he defeated the Dark Lord when he was just a baby." **

The Gryffindors cheer.

**HERMIONE: "Alright, everyone just calm down. Occulus Reparo!" (Glasses are fixed)**

"Harry? Learn the spell!" Hermione rolls her eyes.

"Sorry!"

**HARRY: "Whoa cool!"**

**HERMIONE: "Now, let's leave these big Baby childish jerks alone!"**

"Great insult, Granger!" Draco laughs.

"Shut up Malfoy!" Hermione snarls.

**DRACO: (Enters from left. Is a girl wearing a fake boy's wig and a butterfly earing.) "DID SOMEONE SAY DRACO MALFOY? **

Do I need to explain the amount of laughter this got? Really? Fine.

The Great Hall roars will laughter. Ron falls to the ground, tears streaming down his face. "It hurts!" He gasps.

Draco turns bright pink.

"Who's laughing now? At least I'm a boy!" Harry cackles.

**Crabbe, Goyle, be a pip and go pay for my robes will you? So Potter, back for another year at Hogwarts are you? Well maybe this year, you'll wise up and hang out with a higher caliber wizard?" (Strikes funny pose)**

"We love your character, Draco!" Fred and George grin.

"Spot on, really. Annoying and feminine." Hermione smiles nastily.

**HARRY: "No way Malfoy! Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole wide world and I wouldn't trade them for anything!" (Puts arms around them and Ginny tries to join but Ron pushes her away)**

"Gee, thanks Ronald!" Ginny hisses.

**DRACO: "Have it your way then. Wait, don't tell me! Red hair, hand-me-down clothes and a stupid complexion. You must be a Weasley!" **

"Wow that is really in character!" Neville nods.

**RON: "Oh my God, lay off Malfoy! She may be a pain in the ass okay, but she's my pain in the ass!" **

"Aww…you do care, Ron!" Ginny coos sarcastically.

**DRACO: 'Well isn't this cute! It's like a little loser family! **

"Definitely Malfoy." Seamus agrees.

**Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs. Luckily next year, I'll be transferred to Pigfarts!**

"Pigfarts?" Everyone hoots with laughter.

Meanwhile, the teachers exchange nervous glances. How did these Muggles know about Pigfarts?

**(Starts to sing) This year you'll bet, I'm gonna get out of here, the reign of Malfoy is drawing near. I'll have the greatest wizard career, and it's gonna be Totally Awesome! **

"Ahhh, not me too!" Draco yells as the students laugh even harder.

**Look out world for the dawn of the day, where everyone will do whatever I say, and Potter won't be in my way. And then I'll be the one who is totally awesome!"**

"Not now, not ever!" Ginny giggles.

**GOYLE: "Yeah you'll be the one who is totally awesome!"**

"Awww, at least Goyle backed you up!" Parvati smirks.

**CHOO CHOO!**

**HERMIONE: "C'mon guys we're gonna miss the train!"**

**(Cast comes on stage and forms three lines and act as a train)**

**ALL:(SING) "Who knows how fast, this year's gonna go? Hand me a glass let the butterbeer flow."**

**HARRY: "Maybe at last, I'll talk to Cho!"**

Harry flushes as everyone coos at him.

**RON: No way that would be way too awesome!**

**ALL: "We've come to learn everything that we can. It's great to come back to where we began. And he we are, and ALAKAZAM! Here we go, this is totally awesome! (The train separates and some grab benches and get into two lines facing each other.) So come and teach us everything you know. The summers over and we are itching to go." (Everybody stops)**

**NEVILLE: "I think we're ready for, Albus Dumbledore!" **

"Oh no!" Everyone shrieks as they laugh madly.

"Wait…is that ME?" Neville asks.

**ALL: "Ahhhhhhhhhhh, ahhhhhhhhh!" (Enter Dumbledore)**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Welcome!**

Everyone snickers.

**All of you to Hogwarts! I welcome all of you to school. Did you know that here at Hogwarts, we've got a hidden swimming pool! **

"Do we?" Hermione raises an eyebrow.

Dumbledore looks away, how were these Muggles getting this information?

**Welcome, welcome, welcome Hogwarts. Welcome hotties nerds and tools. Now that I've got you here at Hogwarts, (Speaks) I'd like to go over just a couple of rules. My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am Headmaster of Hogwarts. You can all call me Dumbledore, well I suppose you could also call me Albus if you wanted a detention, Nah I'm just kidding, I'll expell you if you call me Albus!" **

"Will you?" Ron asks.

"Maybe." Dumbledore smiles.

**ALL: "Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblin and ghosts and some magical feasts. It's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts. Back to spells and enchantments potions and friends, to-"**

**GRIFFINDORS: "Gryffindor!"**

**HUFFLEPUFFS: "Hufflepuff!"**

**RAVENCLAWS: "Ravenclaw!"**

**SLYTHERINS: "SLYTHERIN!"**

The Slytherins cheer and whoop for being the loudest.

**ALL: Back to the place where our story begins, at Hogwarts, Hogwarts!**

**DUMBLEDOR: I'm sorry, what's its name?**

**ALL: Hogwarts, Hogwarts!**

**DUMBLEDOR: I didn't hear you kids!**

**ALL: Hogwarts, Hogwarts! **

**HARRY: Man I'm glad I'm back! (Casts stands at the front of stage with wands in air)**

"Well…that was…uh…" Hermione tries to think of a word.

"Terrible?" Draco suggests.

"Awful?"

"Untrue?"

"Well, students. We will continue this tomorrow!" Dumbledore announces.

***Snort snort* Yes, I'm doing this! And it shall be fun!**


	2. Act 1 part 3

**Sorry for the lateness, m'dears. Enjoy :)**

**(Everybody sits down in their respective areas)**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Yes, yes, welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts!**

"Hardy har har." Hermione says sarcastically.

**And a very special welcome back to my favorite student, Mr. Harry Potter (RON: "Woo!").**

"No surprises there, I see." Blaise Zabini snickers.

**He defeated Voldemort when he was just a baby, and he's even got that little lightning scar on his forehead to prove it.**

Everyone stares at Harry's forehead, as if they never noticed a fucking lightening scar was there.

**And also another special welcome to the newest addition of Gryffindor! Mr. Ginny-**

"WHAT?" The redheaded girl shrieks.

**Excuse Me, Ms. Ginny Weasley."**

Ginny huffs.

**GINNY: "Yeah, I'm a girl...but, aren't we supposed to be sorted by the uh, Sorting hat?"**

"Very good, Weaslette." Pansy claps mockingly.

"Sod off, Parkinson." Ginny growls.

**DUMBLEDORE: "Yes, well a funny thing happened to the sorting hat. He actually got hitched with another piece of magical enchanted clothing. So he and the scarf of sexual preference wont be back 'till next year.**

"Do we actually have one of those?" Harry asks.

"Wouldn't you like to know…" Draco murmurs.

**So basically, I've been putting anybody who looks like a good guy into Gryffindor, anybody who looks like a bad guy in Slytherin and the other two can just go wherever the hell they want I really don't care."**

"Wow…that's incredibly offensive to everyone…" Neville says slowly.

"Except us!" Seamus exclaims, high-fiving Dean.

"Slytherins aren't evil!" A third-year named Genevieve Carter screams.

"Uh…He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?" Hermione points out.

"Uh…Bellatrix Lestrange?" Ron adds.

"Uh…every single Death Eater?" Harry says.

"Uh…Merlin?" Draco rolls his eyes at the trio.

"So go fuck yourselves." Pansy states.

**CEDRIC: "Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders!"**

This caused the Hufflepuffs to whoop and cheer and high five and hug. **(What? They're Hufflepuffs! Hufflepuffs hug!)**

**DUMBLEDORE: "What the hell is a Hufflepuff?"**

This caused the Hufflepuffs cheering to abruptly stop.

**Anyway, it is now time for me to introduce to you my very good friend and our very own potions professor, Mr. Severus Snape!"**

"Oh Merlin, no." Ron moans before thinking.

"Ten points from Gryffindor." Professor Snape retorts, causing the Gryffindors to glare at the flushing Ron.

**RON: "Ugh man, I hope they fire that guy!" **

**GINNY: "Why? What's wrong with Professor Snape?"**

**RON: "Uh, Nothing he's just, uh, evil!"**

No one could really object to that. Dumbledore and Snape looked at each other knowingly.

**(Enter Snape)**

Just the look of Snape caused everyone to burst into laughter.

"It's so life-like!" Pansy squeals.

**HARRY: "Oh, come on he's really not that bad."**

"Okay, now I _know_ this isn't real." Seamus says.

**SNAPE: "Harry Potter! Detention!"**

"Oh Merlin, I LOVE that voice!" Daphne Greengrass exclaims. Her little sister Astoria giggles in agreement.

**HARRY: "What?"**

**SNAPE: "For talking out of turn.**

"That's incredibly realistic." Luna Lovegood says dreamily.

**Now before we begin, I'm going to give you all you're very very first, Pop-Quiz. (students groan except Hermione) Can anybody tell me what a portkey is?"**

**HERMIONE'S hand shoots up in the air. **

"Surprise, surprise." Ron muses.

**SNAPE: "Oh yes Miss Granger?" **

**HERMIONE: "A portkey is a magically enchanted object that when touched will transport the one or ones that touch it to anywhere in the globe decided upon by the enchanter."**

"Is anyone even surprised anymore?" Lavender Brown asks rhetorically.

**SNAPE: "Oh Very good. Now can anybody tell me what foreshadowing is?"**

**HERMIONE'S hand shoots up in the air again. **

**SNAPE: "Oh yes Miss Granger?"**

**HERMIONE: "Foreshadowing is a dramatic device in which an important plot point is mentioned early in the story to return later in a more significant way."**

"What does this have to do with _magic_?" Professor McGonagall asks.

**SNAPE: "Perfect!"**

**RON: "What was a portkey again? I missed that one."**

"Surprise, surprise." Hermione mimics.

**HERMIONE: "Oh, A portkey (RON: "Not you, oh my god") Is an enchanted object that when touched will transport you anywhere in the globe."**

**SNAPE: "And remember a portkey can be any harmless object, like a football. Or a dolphin."**

"A _dolphin_?" Cho Chang exclaims, laughing.

**LAVENDER: "Professor? Can, like, a person be a portkey?"**

**SNAPE: "No that's absurd! Because if a person were to touch themselves (looks pointedly at Ron) they would constantly be transported into different places.**

"WOAH WAIT WHAT?" Ron yelps, causing the Great Hall to laugh hysterically.

**A person can however be a Horcrux."**

**HARRY: "What's a-what's a Horcrux?"**

Dumbledore stares warily at the screen.

**SNAPE: "I'm not even going to tell you Harry, you'll find out soon enough."**

Dumbledore does a silent sigh of relief.

**HERMIONE: "Professor what is the point of this quiz?"**

**SNAPE: "Oh no, no, no point in particular, just important information that everyone should know. Especially you (Looks at audience)! Now, moving right along, there are four houses. Gryffindor ("Woo!"),**

The real Gryffindors cheer.

**Ravenclaw ("OW!"),**

The Ravenclaws giggle at Cho's reaction.

**Hufflepuff (CEDRIC: "Find!") What?**

The Hufflepuffs groan and facepalm.

**And Slytherin. ("Yesss")**

The Slytherins whoop.

**Now traditionally, traditionally points are given for good behavior and deducted for rule breaking. Example! Ten Points from Gryffindor!"**

**GRYFFINDOR: "What?"**

**SNAPE: "For Miss Grangers excessive baby fat."**

Pansy Parkinson cackles. "How true!"

Hermione turns beet red.

**RON+HARRY: "Thanks Hermione."**

**SNAPE: "Traditionally the house with the most points at the end of the year would win the House Cup! However this year we are doing things a bit differently. And here to introduce it, is our new professor of the Dark Arts, Professor Quirrel!" (Enter Quirrel)**

Everyone boos.

**HARRY: "Ow! OW! Ow!"**

**HERMIONE: "Harry, what's wrong?"**

**HARRY: "Ow! Ow! Jesus!"**

**QUIRREL: "The House Cup. A time honored tradition. For centuries-" **

**DRACO: "Go home, terrorist."**

"HA!" Harry blurts out.

**QUIRREL: "For centuries the four house of Hogwarts have competed for the honor and glory of House Champion. But where does this tradition come from, and what are th roots of the competition?"**

**HERMIONE: "The House Cup tournament began with the first generation of Hogwarts students."**

**QUIRREL: "That was a rhetorical question."**

"Of course _Granger_ would answer a rhetorical question!" Theodore Nott snorts.

**DUMBLEDORE: "Granger quit interrupting, twenty points from Gryffindor."**

This made the Slytherins laugh even harder.

**RON: "Thanks Hermione."**

**QUIRREL: "As I was saying, when the competition first originated it was that of a completely different sort. One champion from each of the four houses would complete a series of dangerous tasks and challenges. The winner would not only win the cup (pause for dramatic effect) but they would also win eternal glory."**

"So…it's like the Triwizard Tournament with four people?" Hermione asks.

**HERMIONE: "Kind of like a House Cup- or, no, like a Triwizard tournament?"**

**QUIRREL: "Yes, sort of like a Triwizard tournament- except, no not like that at all. There are four houses, how can it be the Triwizard Tournament with four teams?"**

"Ha-ha, Granger!" Lavender smirks.

**HERMIONE: "Well, err, Professor if I remember correctly, the House Cup tournament was disbanded after one semester, when one of the students was killed during the first task."**

"Wait, did that actually happen?" Harry asks.

"Many, many times." Dumbledore says sadly.

**QUIRREL: "Yes. It is very dangerous, but the rewards far out weigh the risks."**

**HERMIONE: "I don't think you heard me. I just said somebody died!"**

**DUMBLEDOR: "Hermione Granger, shut your ungodly lop-sided mouth and quit interrupting! Twenty more points!"**

Hermione's hands fly to her mouth.

"HA! Completely true!" Draco smirks.

**HARRY: "Thanks Hermione."**

**DUMBLEDORE: "God! For the smartest witch of your age, you really can be a dumbass sometimes! (Students laugh) Ten points to Dumbledore!"**

"I'm liking Dumbledore more and more!" Parvati Patil giggles.

**QUIRREL: "Yes, yes, well it will be very dangerous, but the winner will be remembered as a hero for ages to come. And as the professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts, I believe that a practical application is exactly what the curriculum needs to-"**

**VOLDY: "AH CHOO!"**

"Uh…was that…?" Ron asks.

**DUMBLEDORE: "Did your turban just sneeze?"**

**QUIRREL: "Wh-what? No."**

**DUMBLEDORE: "I could have sworn I heard a sneeze coming from your direction but your mouth wasn't moving."**

**QUIRREL: "No, Sorry that was simply a fart, excuse me." (Starts to leave)**

Fred and George Weasley burst into hysterics.

**VOLDY: "AH CHOO!" (Bumps into harry)**

**HARRY: "OW, OW Ah Jesus!" (VOLDY: "AH CHOO!")**

**QUIRREL: "I must be going."**

**VOLDY: "AH CHOO!"**

**QUIRREL: "I simply farted once more, excuse me."**

More (Slightly immature) people giggle.

**DUMBLEDORE: "In Order of the newly resurrected house cup, a champion from each house will be selected to compete. So Snape, will you do the honors?"**

**SNAPE: (Carrying cup) "Yes Headmaster. (Pulls out a slip of paper) First from the Ravenclaw House; A Miss Cho Chang!"**

**CHO: "Oh My god I won, I can't believe it ya'll I won!"**

Cho facepalms.

**SNAPE: "A next from Hufflepuff (pulls paper out) Mr. Cedric Diggory."**

Cho bursts into tears.

**CEDRIC: "Well, I don't FIND this surprising at all."**

The Hufflepuffs groan at the FIND joke.

**CHO: "I find it perfect! Now I can spend more time with my beloved boyfriend!"**

**CEDRIC: "I am glad as well my darling!" (Kisses Cho's head.)**

Cho smiles sadly.

**SNAPE: "A next, from the Slytherin house, (pulls slip out) A Draco Malfoy!"**

"Oh, we all saw that coming!" Harry snorts.

**DRACO: "Oh! Ho! I finally beat you didn't I Potter? What do you think of that huh? (Goes over to Gryffindors and starts rolling all over them.) I'm the champion this time!" (Rolls onto floor)**

This caused hysterical laughter.

"It's so accurate!" Ginny giggles.

**DUMBLEDORE: "Draco sit down you little shit, champions just a title!"**

"I love this guy!" George exclaims.

**SNAPE: "And finally from the Gryffindor House (pulls slip) Oh my. Well isn't this curious? The one person in all of Hogwarts whom I have a very well known grudge against, is suddenly in a tournament where he very may well, lose his life."**

"Is it me?" Neville asks.

**NEVILLE: "If-If it's me, I'll just apologize to my fellow Gryffindors right now for losing."**

"That was creepy…" Neville says.

**SNAPE: "Sit down, you inarticulate bumbler. Its Harry Potter!" **

**RON: "WOO! WOO! WOO! WOO! WOO!"**

"Overexcited much, Ron?" Ginny giggles.

**HARRY: "All right!"**

**DUMBELDORE: "Well, here they are folks, the four Hogwarts champions, and I want all of you to start preparing immediately because the first task is in two months, and it could be anything. So let's get to it! Haha!"**

**STUDENTS: "Cho Chang! Cho Chang! Cho Chang!" (Draco: "Malfoy! Malfoy! Hey!")**

Everyone giggles.

"Sir? Do we have a list of the actors?" Hermione asks politely.

Dumbledore looks at the parchment. "Harry Potter, played by Darren Criss."

"Woah, that's a cool name!" Dean says, slapping Harry on the back.

"Ron Weasley played by Joey Richter. Hermione Granger played by Bonnie Grueson. Ginny Weasley played by Jaime Lyn Beatty. Draco Malfoy played by Lauren Lopez."

A few students laugh.

"Voldemort played by Joe Walker."

"_He's_ in this?" Padma shrieks.

"Albus Dumbledore played by Dylan Saunders. Quirrel played by Brian Rosenthal. Severus Snape played by Joe Moses. Cedric Diggory played by Tyler Brunsman. Cho Chang played by Devin Lytle. Neville Longbottom played by Richard Campbell. Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle played by Julia Albain and Jim Povolo. Lavender Brown played by Sango Tajima. And Pansy Parkinson played by Lily Marks."

"Wait…I'm in this?" Pansy yelps.

Hermione smirks at her.

"Well, that's all today, students."

**Sorry, only could get one part in!**

**And yes, if you didn't already know, Merlin WAS in Slytherin. **

**So Nyah Nyah! **

**Kisses, **

**~Gen**


End file.
